| Wednesday, May 2, 2007 |
| Updating |
Well, I decided to play around with my blog template. All my friends decided to start blogs, and mine looked so boring compared to theirs! (Maybe because it's a year old). I'm keeping the url the same, because I like having all my Zambia posts readily accessible if I want to reminisce. But I'd like to be able to write about other things too, if I feel like it.
I changed the name to "in the hands of the Potter," because I've really been struck my that concept recently. I find that my perspective tends to be one where I am in control and simply supposed to glorify God in the process. But He has been reminding me lately that He is in control. My life is not about decision, it's about discovery. He is the one who has the RIGHT to make me into the vessel of His choice. The design is not up to me. My role in the process is to be open to discovering who He is making me to be. I don't get to choose. I get to allow Him to work.
I have been in a whiny mood all day. I don't know why, but all of my patients seemed to annoy me today! One of them started it off, I think - she has been bawling for two days straight. Claiming she was raped while she was upstairs on the medical floor. Claiming she can ONLY drink Diet Peach Snapple or Minute Maid Fruit Punch ... and ONLY a very limited selection of foods. She just keeps saying over and over "nobody cares about me, nobody's doing anything to help me." And I just got frustrated. Maybe I'm cynical. Maybe I'm just dead inside (as Chandler would say). But my response to her was "just suck it up and get over it." (I didn't actually say that. But I would've liked to). I realize that she's had some depressing things happen in her life lately. But who hasn't? My life hasn't been all peaches and cream itself. But do you see me bawling like a baby for days on end? I guess maybe that's where the "chemical imbalance" comes into play.
But I think I'm realizing that the grace for this patient population is gone. Every day, I realize it more and more. I am not designed for this kind of work. I thought I was, at first. I thought "this is great. These people need compassion, and I am a compassionate person. Perfect!" They are the needy ones. The ones that Jesus would have spent time with. But you can't be around these types of people all the time without becoming cynical yourself. And I don't want to end up like that.
So I've been looking for a new job. There are some things in the works; in fact, I need to give an answer to a certain place tomorrow. I have no idea what I'm going to tell them. There are pros and cons to every job and new situation, and I've been waiting for God to drop a flashing neon sign into my lap so I know which way to go. It hasn't happened yet, but I am confident that He has a plan and will reveal to me what I need to know. |
posted by emily @ 9:34 PM  |
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Amy,
I admire your frankness and being real about your feelings. Most people would refrain from that sort of thing.
I can appreciate your "frustration" with where you are at with your job.Don't be too hard on yourself.....you're just starting out and you may need to experience many aspects of the medical field to find your particular "nitch" or I like to refer to it as your giftedness. Where you are right now is not for everyone, that's just the way it is :o)
Those are great verses you shared and you're right on the money as far as being in a place of allowing the potter to mold and shape you according to His will.
I pray you will be blessed as you follow the Lord's leading and He continues to speak to you through His Word.
be blessed and refreshed in His daily Love for you :o)........
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 - Name: emily
- Location: United States
Then I went down to the potter's house, and behold, he wrought a work on the wheels. And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it.Then the word of the Lord came to me saying, O house of Israel, cannot I do with you as this potter? saith the Lord. Behold, as the clay is in the potter's hand, so are ye in mine hand, O house of Israel.
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Amy,
I admire your frankness and being real about your feelings. Most people would refrain from that sort of thing.
I can appreciate your "frustration" with where you are at with your job.Don't be too hard on yourself.....you're just starting out and you may need to experience many aspects of the medical field to find your particular "nitch" or I like to refer to it as your giftedness. Where you are right now is not for everyone, that's just the way it is :o)
Those are great verses you shared and you're right on the money as far as being in a place of allowing the potter to mold and shape you according to His will.
I pray you will be blessed as you follow the Lord's leading and He continues to speak to you through His Word.
be blessed and refreshed in His daily Love for you :o)........