in the Hands of the Potter: October 2007

Sunday, October 21, 2007

new beginnings

In keeping with tradition, I am following the crowd over to WordPress. There are much cooler layouts over there, and I am used to it, because it's what I use to blog for Campus Target.

I do want to keep all my Zambia posts, because I love them, so I transfered them over too. And I kept the name the same. So if you DO read this, and you have links to it or the link bookmarked, change it to www.zembia.wordpress.com

I will write there later! :)

posted by emily @ 4:29 PM 1 comments

Friday, October 19, 2007

musings on death

I worked the evening shift today. One of the other PAs asked me to, because she was supposed to but had made plans a long time ago. In light of the fact that I had fun doing it last week, I said I would. And, sitting here realizing that I've only been home for an hour but have to get up to go BACK to work in 6 hours, I'm wondering if it was a good idea. But I actually do like working this shift. There aren't a whole lot of people in the hospital to distract you. You don't have a time limit - you admit as many people as you can, but when your time is done, you leave and someone else takes over. And you can pretty much figure the medicine out yourself. Yes, I have to call the doctor on-call to make sure the things I'm doing are ok (or ask, if I have questions). But usually I figure it out first and then call. Unlike the day shift, where I feel like I have to talk to them before I do anything.

The major thing I like about working days is that I get to connect with patients and their families and watch them get better (or worse, as the case may be). Form relationships with them. It can be good, or it can be hard.

I have come to realize that a lot more people die in hospitals than I originally thought. We tend to think of hospitals as places where people go to get better. But in reality, they can be a dangerous place. So often someone gets admitted, especially older people, for one thing - and then something else goes wrong while they are there. Usually it's because their body is weakened from the first illness ... but sometimes it's infections they catch from the hospital itself.

I've been thinking about this today because one of my patients died early this morning. She was 92 years old and had been admitted late last week with pneumonia. I can't go into detail, but she deteriorated this week to the point where we had called the family in yesterday. I spent a little while with them during the afternoon, before she died. They were all in there, crying and upset. When I left the room, it amazed me to think that I was shutting this little family off from the rest of the world. The rest of the world, going about its merry business, not knowing that a family's life was falling to pieces. I remember that feeling, two years ago when my grandma died. I remember walking out of her ICU room, hearing the nurses joking about something and thinking "don't they know what is happening to my family?" I remember thinking the same thing when I visited my friend Dave's dad in the hospital before he died. And again, when Mel died.

As a healthcare provider, I have to get used to death. I can't let myself get emotionally involved and torn every time someone dies. If I did, I would be an emotional mess all the time. And yet, for those families that I interact with, that's the only world there is. Right then, right there. And I wonder, is there ever a real balance between being sensitive and dead inside? Will I learn the secret? Does it come with time, or do you have it or not?

posted by emily @ 12:17 AM 2 comments

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

breakthrough?

While I was posting some of the Campus Target blogs tonight, I came across an idea in one girl's blog that stuck out to me. She mentioned that often times we have the most intense times of spiritual attack right before a period of spiritual breakthrough and victory. The enemy often senses when God is preparing to do something great and tries his best to thwart the plans of the Lord. And I wondered, perhaps that is what is happening with me lately? Maybe the reason I've been feeling so oppressed in my spiritual journey is that Satan senses that God wants to bring me to a new level of relationship with Himself.

I hesitate to post this, because it's only speculation and really just thoughts at this point. It's possible (probable, even?) that I'm just lazy and that's why I've been feeling like this. But this is a place to write my thoughts ... and these are my thoughts. So, criticize and judge if you want to! This is me. :)

posted by emily @ 12:55 AM 4 comments

Friday, October 12, 2007

a few of my favorite things

Inspired by my uncle and another friend... here are some of my favorite things :)

1. my iPod
2. Dairy Queen blizzards
3. the Buffalo Bills
4. dogs licking your face so much that you can't help laughing
5. taking naps
6. Africa
7. going on vacation with my family
8. driving
9. youth group, especially when Pastor Josh is preaching
10. wearing sweatshirts in the fall
11. singing really loudly in the car (by myself, of course)
12. reading books that make me think
13. worshiping Jesus
14. Jordyn
15. making quilts
16. going shopping at Christmas time
17. coffee
18. my family
19. praying while I'm driving
20. seeing people get really excited about Jesus
21. our small group
22. the drama kids
23. speed uno
24. being around people who make me laugh
25. hearing from the Lord

Well I'd better go, because I've got some things to do before work. That was fun though :)

posted by emily @ 12:04 PM 2 comments

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Rocks and sand

I changed my blog layout. I don't really know why ... I want to look for some new, fun layouts online, but I haven't gotten around to it yet.

It's been a while since I've posted. I have been feeling pretty overwhelmed with a lot of things - and haven't been home much. I'm trying to find the balance between having fun and getting things accomplished that I need to. It seems like such a redundant problem, too, but somehow I haven't fixed it yet. In fact, I've been feeling very tired too - and I know it's a result of just being "on the go" so much.

When I was living in Philly, I didn't have all these committments - no church things, not a whole lot of friends, and not a whole lot of time. I knew that my time would be filled with studying, and I was ok with that. Most of the time, I would get as much studying done as I could, eat, go to the gym, and spend time with Jesus. That's all my life consisted of for two years. It was what I was expecting, and it was good. I grew a lot in my relationship with the Lord. He taught me a lot, and I loved it.

But since I've been back here, I guess my mindset has been that I no longer have all those responsibilities. In fact, I never exercise anymore and don't spend the time with God that I need to. I haven't been writing in my "spiritual journal" because I don't have time. Studying medical stuff, while I know it's important, never happens. PAs are required to have 100 hours of Continuing Medical Education every two years. I have been working for a year, and I have 4 hours of CME. I just haven't put any priority on it, and I know I need to.

What can I change? I am reminded of an illustration I've heard in the past, where you have a bucket and two ways to fill it up. You can put in a whole bunch of sand and then fill the rest with rocks. (Sand being the less important things and the rocks symbolizing the necessities of life). OR you can put the rocks in first, and fill the cracks in with sand. Most likely, you end up with a lot of the sand either way, but you have a lot fewer rocks if the sand is filling up the bucket first.

I feel like that is my life. I have been having a lot of fun, hanging out with people a lot and doing things ... and I'm afraid to compromise and be disciplined, because then I won't have as much fun. But I bet that I would feel a lot more satisfied and happy if I made sure to put the priorities first and fill the rest in with fun.

Maybe I need some accountability. Maybe I should ask some people that I trust and respect to help me be more disciplined. Any thoughts? :)

posted by emily @ 3:00 PM 1 comments

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

apology

I just wanted to say sorry for not posting recently!
I don't even really know who reads this .... but I have been super busy lately, and getting to bed late every night ... and I just haven't had time to sit down and write. I really want to, because I'm always thinking about things that I wouldn't mind writing down. But I just haven't. I will try to get my butt in gear this week, I promise! :)

On a happy note, the Bills won their first game this week. AND my fantasy football team is going to win its first game this week. :) (yeah, my teams are bad, I know)

posted by emily @ 12:21 AM 3 comments

about me

: Name: emily; Location: United States

Then I went down to the potter's house, and behold, he wrought a work on the wheels. And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it.Then the word of the Lord came to me saying, O house of Israel, cannot I do with you as this potter? saith the Lord. Behold, as the clay is in the potter's hand, so are ye in mine hand, O house of Israel.

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