| Saturday, June 30, 2007 |
| what could be better |
I've recently discovered that I love this song (What Could be Better) by 33 Miles. I decided to post it below, simply because I just LOVE the words. Some days I really feel this way, that if I could, I'd be dancing on the "streets of gold" and can't stop rejoicing in my soul. I felt like that today, at work. I don't know why - I just love those times when God puts a tangible joy in my heart. It gives new meaning to the concept that the joy of the Lord is my strength. When I am feeling that way, I feel strong enough to accomplish anything. Faithful enough to attempt anything. And confident enough to be obedient to anything. I love it! :)
I’ve heard it said today
is all we’re given.
Tomorrow may not come,
so you better start living.
I guess it all depends
on your point of view
Pardon me if I
just don’t listen
to everything the world
says I’m missing.
There’s nothing here and now
I’m gonna hold on to.
I’m living in the days ahead!
I’m already dancing on the streets of gold;
can’t stop celebrating in my soul.
I’m living in the days ahead!
Nothing on earth could ever compare;
can’t wait for the day when I get there -
when I see Jesus face to face.
Tell me what could be better!
Tell me what could be better!
If home is where the heart is,
then I’m in Heaven.
It’s the promise of tomorrow
that I’ve been given.
Who is waiting there I am living for.
He’s everything I love,
and I believe in.
And I can hardly wait
just to see Him
and hear Him say well done.
I couldn’t ask for more!
Life is full of ups and downs,
inside outs, round and rounds.
Can’t blame me for dreaming about it! |
posted by emily @ 2:06 AM  |
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| Sunday, June 24, 2007 |
| Some fun thoughts |
50 things you might not know about me...
1. Pickles are my favorite food.
2. I really only started drinking coffee because everyone else did it at work.
3. I hate the sound of people clipping their nails.
4. I really wish I had gone to medical school instead of PA school.
5. But I felt God leading me to PA school.
6. I loved being in school.
7. If I could've taken all the biology classes that Houghton offered, I would have.
8. One of my life goals is go to to a Super Bowl.
9. And the Olympics.
10. I like to burp loudly.
11. My mom always tells me how gross it is.
12. But I still like to do it anyway.
13. I am very much like my mother.
14. Sometimes it scares me.
15. I feel sorry for people who don't have a twin.
16. My sister knows everything about me, sometimes even before I do.
17. I wish I had taken dance lessons or gymnastics when I was little.
18. I have always wished I could play the piano.
19. I usually don't pay bills on time.
20. There have been periods of my life where I wanted to kill myself.
21. I can't believe I thought that way.
22. One day, I would love to make an obscure diagnosis that nobody else has been able to figure out.
23. I love to cross-stitch, quilt, and scrapbook.
24. Sometimes I get scared that I love my friends more than they love me.
25. But I love them anyway.
26. In my opinion, hugs are one of the best things ever invented.
27. Especially when they're from my dad.
28. My best friend and I rolled her SUV when we were in college.
29. She died a year after we graduated.
30. I still miss her like crazy.
31. It takes me a while to warm up to people after I first meet them.
32. I've always wanted to write songs.
33. One of my dreams is to live in Africa.
34. But I don't know how I'd survive without my sister.
35. I have the best brother-in-law in the world.
36. He's one of my absolute best friends.
37. I have never had a boyfriend.
38. But I have been in love.
39. Somehow, that doesn't really make sense.
40. I peed my pants during spelling in 5th grade.
41. Nobody knew about it until now.
42. I was baptized in a pond when I was 11.
43. My laugh is really loud and obnoxious, when I'm really amused by something.
44. I wish I knew what my blood type was.
45. I secretly hope my niece turns out to be a doctor.
46. But I know she'll do great things no matter what.
47. I have recurring dreams that all my teeth fall out.
48. They really freak me out.
49. Since having braces, I compulsively brush my teeth for 5 minutes every time.
50. I have spent way too much time on this silly list when I should be sleeping.
I don't know why that's so much fun, but it really was! :) I stole the idea from my sister and my cousin. |
| posted by emily @ 10:13 PM |
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| Wednesday, June 20, 2007 |
| Things I miss... |
(about the previous job)
- I knew my way around the hospital
- I could park in the garage and not get a ticket (grr)
- There were places to hang out and friends to hang out with when I didn't have anything to do
- I could just go home if I didn't have anything to do
- I got to sit and talk to patients for hours. Learn about their lives, their families, their struggles. Sit and pray with them if I wanted to. Develop relationships with their families.
- Talking to my supervising doc on the phone was fun. And I wasn't afraid of him.
- I could make medical decisions when I wanted to, totally manage patients' needs on my own, unless I wanted input from my supervising doc.
- I could just hang around with my coworkers and talk about their lives, encourage them, etc.
- When I went home at night, I wasn't thinking about "I wonder if I'm going to know what to do with the patients tomorrow." (most of the time)
- I knew what was expected of me
- Nobody cared if I was late
Yes, there are things I definitely don't miss. And I'm not saying these are bad things, or that I've had problems so far. But these are some of the things I've been thinking about today.
(and I did get a parking ticket today, grr). |
| posted by emily @ 11:12 PM |
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| Tuesday, June 19, 2007 |
| First day |
This is going to be short, because I'm tired ... but I wanted to write about my first day at the New Job. :)
I got there, and they had a lab coat, cell phone, pager, and some other paperwork all ready for me. They had a sign up that said "welcome Emily," as well as breakfast AND lunch. It was amazing to feel special and somehow wanted. A far cry from working on the psych unit, where nobody seemed to really know anything about what was going on with me.
I walked around and saw some patients with the chief PA - he showed me around and showed me the computer system and whatnot. I don't think I'll remember how to get anywhere, but that's ok. :) And I used to work at an affiliated hospital, so I've used the computer system before. I actually recognized the name of one of the ENT residents from the office I used to work in ... not that he'd remember me, but I hope I see him around sometime.
Overall, I'm really excited about this job. I know I am going to learn a LOT. I want to be that kind of PA who can respond to codes and know what to do, be on call and know how to handle problems, have the physicians and nurses have confidence in me. Heck, have confidence in myself. I can really see myself growing and maturing here. I know that I've been growing while I was doing psych, too - but definitely in different areas. I am really excited to take this opportunity to learn more about medicine and really get comfortable doing this. I know it's something that I should've done when I first graduated, but I truly do believe God had me at the psych unit for a reason. He's the one who orchestrated me moving here, and I believe in His perfect koinos - His ways are higher than mine. And His timing is perfect. I believe I've been put here at this time for a specific reason. And I'm excited about it! :) |
| posted by emily @ 12:00 AM |
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| Sunday, June 17, 2007 |
| ... |
| sigh :-/ |
| posted by emily @ 1:51 AM |
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| Thursday, June 7, 2007 |
| Expect victory |
In the small group/Bible study I do with a bunch of youth group girls, we are going through a book called "What to Expect Now that You Believe." It's designed for new believers - explaining what kinds of things are to be expected in a new walk with Christ. We're almost done with it ... and it's sparked some interesting discussions so far.
Anyway, the chapter for this week is entitled "expect victory." It's a concept that is near and dear to my heart, because I believe that most Christians have not quite grasped this idea ... and that is what leads to defeated, non-lifebearing Christians. The author refers to the passage in Romans 7 (I do what I do not want to do...) and Romans 8 (the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace...) which are the passages I was thinking about the other night. He gives ten contrasting characteristics of the carnal nature vs. the spiritual nature. By agreeing with what Christ did on the cross for us, we can EXPECT victory in these areas. We don't have to give in to the carnal nature.
Carnal Nature vs. Christ Nature
Gossip ---- Encouragement
Oversensitivity ---- Sensitivity to others
Temper tantrums ---- Anger for sin
Lust ---- Love
Bitterness ---- Forgiveness
Divisive ---- Reconciling
Doubt ----Faith
Demanding my rights ---- Denying my rights
Selfishness ---- Selflessness
Apathy for God ---- Apathy for the world
In his book, Absolute Surrender, Andrew Murray says "I said a little while ago that there is many a man who has learned the lesson, 'it is impossible with men,' and then he gives up in helpless despair, and lives a wretched Christian life, without joy, or strength, or victory. And why? Because he does not humble himself to learn that other lesson: With God all things are possible."
The thing that I love about this is that we don't HAVE to live in helpless despair! Yes, I can reach the point where I know it is impossible for me to live the list on the right. It is impossible for me to be righteous on my own. And praise the Lord that He brings me to that place! Because it is then that I know that every day I become living proof that with God, all things are possible. I CAN have victory. But it is only through Christ. Murray says, "my heart's desire and delight, O God, is absolute surrender, but I cannot perform it; it is impossible for me to live that life, it is beyond me. Fall down and learn that when you are utterly helpless God will come to work in you not only to will, but also to do."
I want to be there. I want to know it is beyond me to have the victory, but I want to expect victory. I want to live my life taking hold of that victory, with joy and strength! |
| posted by emily @ 12:19 AM |
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| Tuesday, June 5, 2007 |
| Discharged!? |
Here is a funny story from work today:
Yesterday we formally discharged 10 patients. (that's a TON! usually we discharge about 3). This morning when I got to work, I found out that we had actually discharged 11 patients! Apparently our nurse manager (who thinks he's a big shot) let one of the patients out the LOCKED double doors on the unit. He just held the doors open and let the guy out, thinking he was a visitor. The guy just calmly walked out, like he was expecting it to happen. I was so incredibly amused when I heard this! :o) |
| posted by emily @ 8:35 PM |
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| Monday, June 4, 2007 |
| Blogging |
The dangerous thing about a blog is that people read it. Not too many, in my case. But there are days, like today, that I wish nobody read it. I wish I could just write whatever I wanted, without feeling like I need to edit things out because I don't want people to necessarily know who I really am or the things that I think.
In reality, I am an emotional person. I try to hide it, and I've been able to stifle it pretty well (I think) the past year or so. Because it's so easy for my emotions to run away with me. For me to let the way I feel affect how I relate to people, how I even pray for people.
All my life, I have struggled with comparing myself to others. Maybe it's easier for me to do because I am a twin - and therefore feel the need to "prove" my identity. But I constantly think "I'm not as ______ as he/she is." You fill in the blank. You name it, I've thought it. Not as fun. Outgoing. Sensitive. Sweet. Loving. Crazy. Artistic. Spiritual. Theological. Musical. Smart. Funny. The list goes on and on. And I continue to condemn myself for not being those things. I continue to lack the confidence that I am, indeed, made in a unique way for a specific purpose. I simply look at the purposes of others and wonder why I am not made like that. Instead of seeking to find my purpose, or trying to be the best Emily that I can be, I get depressed because I am not someone else. I hate lacking self-confidence. I want to be confident. Sometimes I have it. But what is it about the times that I have it? Why do I have it? And how can I get it back, in those times when I feel worthless?
Why do I feel like this? Why are there struggles in my mind and in my heart that I have been fighting with for years? I have felt that I've had victory in areas in the past. And yet, driving home tonight, I find myself in the same place. A place I never thought I'd have to be in again. As Paul said in Romans 7 (NIV), "...for what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." I know the answers. I know that victory is not something I can take for granted, but that I need to continually bring things before the Lord and ask for grace. I know that I have been saved from the sinful nature by the blood of Christ. But then why, why can I not get rid of these same struggles? Can't I have new ones? New ones that don't make me feel this way inside?
I like to have it all together. I want people to think I know things, that I have the answers. But sometimes, like today, I don't feel like I have it all together. I don't even feel like I want to. A little bit later in Romans 8, Paul says "for they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace." I want that life and peace. Lord, help me to be spiritually minded.
This is a random post. I don't even think it makes sense. And maybe you know the things that I'm not saying, I don't know. All I know is that I need Jesus. |
| posted by emily @ 11:24 PM |
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| about me |
 - Name: emily
- Location: United States
Then I went down to the potter's house, and behold, he wrought a work on the wheels. And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it.Then the word of the Lord came to me saying, O house of Israel, cannot I do with you as this potter? saith the Lord. Behold, as the clay is in the potter's hand, so are ye in mine hand, O house of Israel.
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