| Monday, August 27, 2007 |
| wedded bliss |
I went to Leigh and Matt's wedding yesterday. It was really nice. Out of all the guys in the world, I can't think of a better one for Leigh. :) It was nice to see a bunch of my classmates from Philly too! Here is a picture of all the girls (minus Leigh, of course).
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posted by emily @ 12:00 AM  |
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| Thursday, August 16, 2007 |
| why |
I cried today.
I thought I would never do that. Usually I don't have a problem separating my emotions from my patients'. Work is work, and death is an aspect of life. I've had patients die before, and while I've felt sad, I didn't reach that point where it made me cry.
Maybe because I was tired. Maybe because I felt emotional anyway. But I have a patient that I've been following for over two weeks now. He is the sweetest guy, never complains unless he's in extremely severe pain. I've gotten to know him and his wife, and I've come to find out that they are Christians. I can't go into details about what's wrong with him, but I've been very involved in trying to figure out what's going on. It has been a long process, very frustrating, because we haven't been able to figure it out. Until now. Again, I can't go into details, but the end result will not be good. I talked to his wife today, and she was crying. I prayed with her (I'm not even sure if I'm allowed to do that!) and then she cried some more and hugged me. And I just couldn't help it. Tears sprang to my eyes too. The hurt and grief was so evident in her.
And even though we both know Jesus, and we both know that He is ultimately the One who gives and takes life, it doesn't change the hurt. It doesn't change the suffering. It doesn't remove the questions of "why, Lord," that are so prevalent in these situations.
I recently heard a message about grief by one of the professors at Elim. After going through the painful loss of his daughter and baby granddaughter, he came to the conclusion that one of the ways (he has pinpointed five different ways) to promote healing is to stop asking those "why" questions. Stop wondering "what if" or trying to figure out what God was doing. He is the Sovereign One. And ultimately, focusing on those questions really only keeps your eyes on the worldly, carnal things.
And yet, I want so much to understand why these things happen. In my own life, I've come to see that when I question God about why He allowed my best friend to suffer and die at age 22, the sorrow and grief come rushing back. It's amazing how quickly I can start to feel broken down and abandoned when I think that way. Maybe the best thing to do is make an effort to keep that attitude that says, "God I trust you. I know you're Sovereign. I know I can't comprehend your ways, and so I'm not going to even try. I just have to simply believe that You are God." And let it be.
Honestly, I don't know. I don't have the answers. And I know it's a lot easier to say than to do. But I want to choose to believe that my God knows what He is doing. That there is no time where He loses control, and no time where He lets go of me. I choose to believe that. |
| posted by emily @ 8:15 PM |
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| Tuesday, August 14, 2007 |
| grace |
I've been praying especially for grace this week. I knew I'd need it. From Saturday until Saturday, I am covering the PA job at the place I used to work. They haven't hired anyone new yet, so two other PA's have been spending a few hours each day there, doing the work. However, they are both on vacation this week - so they asked me to do it instead. It would be fine if I could leave my current job at a reasonable hour and go over there for a few hours. BUT I've been so busy at work that I'm not leaving until 5-5:30 ... which means I don't get done at the other place until 9:30-10. So I get home around 10:30. Leaving just enough time to hop into bed and wake up at 6 the next morning, to do it all over again.
So yeah, I knew I'd be needing extra grace. When I'm tired, I can get snappy with people. Easily frustrated. Not want to go above and beyond, like I normally do. And I don't want to be that way! I want to exude the grace of God, to everyone. No matter how tired I am or how many hours I've worked. No matter if my head hurts or if people are crazy. :) I want to have the genuine love of Christ.
Last night, at this second job, I was tired and hungry, and I just wanted to go home. Today I really expected the same. I knew some of my wonderful youth group girls were praying for me, and I was praying too. I just really did not want to be miserable! And guess what? :) I am happy. Still. It's an hour after I left. No headache. No frustration. No tiredness. I am just happy. Peaceful. I didn't get frustrated with any patients or staff, and I did everything that needed to be done.
I seriously feel lifted up by the Lord. He is reminding me that He is the One who sustains me. Isaiah 41:10 says, "I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (NIV). I'm loving Isaiah lately! :) Though my flesh may fail, He will provide me with the strength and the grace that I need. Praise Him! Bring it on, I say! :) |
| posted by emily @ 10:56 PM |
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| Saturday, August 11, 2007 |
| SHOUT! |
The Bills won last night! :)
I'm on my way to work (What!?!? on a Saturday??? that's right) and then to the Lake with a bunch of wonderful people. I'll try to remember my camera so I can take some pictures to post here! |
| posted by emily @ 8:15 AM |
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| about me |
 - Name: emily
- Location: United States
Then I went down to the potter's house, and behold, he wrought a work on the wheels. And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it.Then the word of the Lord came to me saying, O house of Israel, cannot I do with you as this potter? saith the Lord. Behold, as the clay is in the potter's hand, so are ye in mine hand, O house of Israel.
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