in the Hands of the Potter: Easy night?

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Easy night?

I had an easy night planned. Today is Bee and Tom's anniversary, so I thought my mom and I would watch the baby while they went out to a play. We'd go to the LCS chorus concert and then hang out at their house. The baby was great while we were at the concert; she did cry a little, but we took her out in the foyer to calm her down. We thought she might be hungry, so we tried to feed her but she wouldn't take the bottle. Then she slept through the rest of the concert.

Afterwards, we knew she should be hungry, so we kept offering her the bottle, but she wouldn't drink. Just kept bawling, no matter what we did. I pulled over to try again on the way home, because I felt bad, but no luck. Even when we got home, nothing. She was obviously hungry - doing all the right signs. Even when the bottle was in her mouth, she would suck for a second or two, and then start crying again. Eventually we calmed her down to the point where she was too tired to protest anymore, and she drank the whole bottle.

It reminded me of the Christian walk sometimes. I think we can get so worked up thinking things ought to be a certain way, or we should be directed a certain way, that we simply blind ourselves to the fact that Jesus is right there. He has the answers. I can just picture Him sometimes, saying "come on, Em! I'm holding this right in front of you! You keep crying out for peace and guidance, or new insights, and you're so worked up about not finding it on your own that you can't even see that it's right here for you!" I know I do that. I get so upset, thinking "I can't do this," or "I'm not good enough," or "I don't have a calling or any giftings," or "I don't know where I'm supposed to go next." I simply focus on myself. MY thoughts. How I'M not meeting my own needs. And really, if I would just stop focusing on me and look for that still, small voice, He is there. Waiting. Knowing that I will eventually get tired, and have no choice but to wait in His presence, because I have no energy to do anything else.

I don't want to have to wait until I am too tired to protest anymore, like Jordyn was tonight. I pray that God would make me more sensitive to His Spirit speaking to me and leading me. That is the cry of my heart tonight.

posted by emily @ 10:43 PM

2 Comments:

At 2:49 PM, Kevin P said…

you have a heart for the Lord - I appreciate your frankness. keep spiritually alert and enjoy :)
At 9:45 PM, Anonymous said…

Aunt Myrn said....

WOW!!!! you blew me away with this one. I have been quietly following your blog, just reading and watching and thinking. i will speak when i'm sure of what i want to say.

but am very glad you are getting a new job.

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